Palin "Fattest Python" Shock
Michael Palin, 53, is at an undisclosed destination in Chile today recovering from shock allegations published in a German magazine, that he is the fattest of the Python team, his wife said yesterday at their three-up, one-down, four bathroom, no bedroom, two-library hideaway at No. 12 Coswell Street, Fairhazel Gardens., Dewsbury, Nr. Leeds, that her husband was bitterly upset by the allegations of fatness, "He says there is absolutely no truth in the report. It is a deliberate and malicious attempt to blacken my husband" (Michael is the only white Python) "and to force him into a totally unnecessary weight-loss regime."
Other Python's were quick to rally in Michael's defence, John. Cleese - the longest Python claimed to have seen Michael during one of his brief trips back to England from the filming of his new travel series. " I saw Michael briefly during, one of his trips back to England from the filming of his new travel series", John recounted, pausing every now and then to pull on a large pipe - part of the elaborate plumbing facilities at the elegant West London house he shares with his wife, four cats and a fucking great camel. "He honestly didn't seem fat to me. And I had a pretty good view of him from where I was lying".
Terry Jones, the most tatooed Python, also sympathised. He told us, through an interpreter, that, in his opinion, such personal speculation was "drigginvaare tonen. Ik dik! Genuosveirre? ik dik. "Ik fucking dik!"
Eric Idle, the Python with the lowest blood pressure, was unavailable for comment "It's just garbage" he said, "the typical sort of story newspapers resort to when Princess Diana hasn't been to the gym." Eric has been through it all before. He was outed in January last year and still can't talk about the experience without being given some money, "Can you imagine it ? You wake up one morning and there's your blood pressure all over the LA Times. Complete strangers come up to you in the street nudging each other and saying things like "110 over 50. Mr.Cool! It's like people knowing your chest size. Believe me, I understand what Michael's going through."
Terry Gilliam too is no stranger to this sort of attack. Only last year he was revealed to have more legs than any other Python. "It hurts, believe me. I have as many legs as the next man, but when this sort of stupid rumour is printed in something like Newsweek there are always going to be some people who'll believe it. Mud sticks, you know." Gilliam, a distant relation of Siddartha, the founder of Buddhism, claims he is no longer able to go shopping, "I'm asked if I would like two cubicles or if I want my socks delivered by truck. " And he can't get away from it . Recently Shoeshine boys voted him "Man of the Year", and he's been approached to do a one-man version of "Chorus Line" on Broadway.
Michael's doctor poo-pooed the magazine's claims that his patient has become pregnant for a bet. "Believe me, there is no way Michael is going to become pregnant at his age."
